Weighing quite heavily on everyone's mind is... Who will win the additional $million bones Thursday night? Even if you've been stuck under a fucking bus the last week, it's still likely that you've heard about how those crafty bastards, running that Survivor show, have cooked up a ploy to get the fans involved in awarding a second $million (in change) to one lucky ASSer. Why the hell would they do this? To take advantage of a Friends-less Thursday? To give Rupert another chance at the million? To disguise the fact that they already have someone picked out that they want to give a check to? To have another reunion show just to shut Rob Cesternino out of contributing to the discussion again?

Regardless of their reasoning, they are tossing quite a bit of friggin' cash around this season. How do the castaways that got snubbed for ASS feel about that crap? On top of the fact that the first bootee gets $25K, there will have been two reunion shows (for which they get some good compensation), and this "let me beg for a $million" deal. For a season that wasn't so much a tape-measure blast into the upper deck cheap seats as it was a dribbler down the third base line, why are they backing up the Brinks truck into the ASSer's laps? Perhaps CBS should've spent some of that cash on putting together (and running) more than one friggin' Amazing Race commercial during the ASS finale. Nothing like pumping a movie about Charles Manson.

So who walks off the set with the big cardboard check that no legitimate bank will cash? Well, it probably comes down to three people (with two others having an outside chance). To the dismay of many, Rupert will most likely be roaring, like a gorilla with syphilis, at 8:56ET on Thursday. He's got a lot of fans. His popularity is very high. He's done two Survivors back to back. He was fairly entertaining. He provided food and strength to his tribes (on both seasons). And even though it probably hurt him both times, he didn't scheme or manipulate people into voting with him. The only way he doesn't win, is if the underground movement to keep him from doing so gets some legs. These people are in need of some serious emotional therapy. It's one thing to strongly support your favorite to win, it's entirely another to hate a person so much that you'd organize a counter campaign to keep them from filling out a monumental deposit slip. Did Rupert run off with y'all's ladies? What the hell did he do to deserve such a brand of vitriol?

One person that could possibly steal Rupert's check would be Rudy. He's fairly popular as well. He's also really old and the general public has a soft spot for old people. Also Rudy has said that he would keep trying to do Survivor until he won. Man, no one wants to see that. So perhaps people will mark Rudy in hopes that he'll take the money and fade into retirement. And seeing how he may be the greatest hope to shove it in Rupert's face, the ABR kids have been putting their weight behind him. Other than Rudy, Rob Cesternino has an excellent chance of pulling this off. Thought to be one of the game's best manipulators, Rob C. got complacent on ASS and was blindsided by the person he should have known not to trust the most. Was the early exit a sign of respect from his tribemates, who thought he was too dangerous to keep around? Or was it just that they were sick of his lazy ass? Regardless, Cesternino carries a lasting image from his Amazon performance that might score him this vote. Besides, his video was fucking hilarious so that should bank a few extra points for him.

Other than those three, the remaining two that have a distant shot at this would be Big Tom and B-Rob. Big Tom is a good 'ol country boy and everyone likes him. He's quite the entertainer even though most of his words are unintelligible. And although he won't go down as the best strategist of all time, he played without being a total prick and made it into the top five, twice. The argument (made in his video) that he has lasted longer in the game than any Survivor ever and never won a car or the big money, is a good one. But his actions during the final tribal council and during the reunion show may have hurt his chances. B-Rob. B-Rob. B-Rob. Survivor All-Stars was the B-Rob show. That, coupled with the fact that he didn't win, might have gotten him a phat bank account under normal circumstances. Too bad he's hooking up with a hot chick who just became a millionaire, won himself a truck, and will be taking home at least $250,000 in scratch. Basically, he qualifies as a past winner. And Tina, Jenna, Ethan, Hatch, and Amber are nice enough people, but there's no fucking way they'll be pulling a second $mil. So even though there's probably a good number of people who think Boston Rob was the best player and should have won, no one wants to give him more shit to take home.

But who knows. CBS might have other plans and the winner could turn out to be Jenna Lewis. Guess we'll just have to give in to what "The Eye" wants us to do, and tune in.

Back to the Whattup? archive...